Who did it? 1st or 3rd?

When you’re telling a story in a talk, one of the first things to consider is which perspective to use: first person (“I did it”) or third person (“A friend of mine did it”). Might seem like a small detail, but your choice will shape your resonance with your audience. Let’s look at some of your options, including what I call “The Flip”.

First Person: Using the first person means you’re telling the story as yourself. This perspective tends to create the strongest emotional connection with your listeners, especially if you’ve already built up some rapport. People are naturally drawn to personal stories—they feel more authentic. If you’re aiming for maximum impact, save your best first-person stories for later in your talk, once you’ve warmed up the room. And yes, sometimes you might borrow someone else’s story and tell it as your own, especially if it’s a quick joke or a funny anecdote, (think Matt Damon's character telling the plane joke to Robin Williams in the film Good Will Hunting - "it works better if I tell it in the first person."). Throw these in earlier in your talk. Just don’t make a habit of it as you are aiming for realness and authenticity.

Third Person: On the other hand, the third person perspective is great for opening your talk or when you want to keep things a little more private or factual. Maybe you’re not ready to share a personal story, or you just want to set the scene without getting too personal. Third person stories can still land deep and have plenty of resonance, especially if the anecdote itself is strong. They’re also handy if you want to build up to something bigger later in the talk.

The Flip: Now, here’s a fun tool: the flip, where you flip the character by switching perspective. Tell a story in the third person, let it land, and then reveal that it was really your own experience all along. If you do this well, you’ll catch your audience off guard and create a real moment of resonance. It’s a bit like a plot twist in a movie, suddenly, everything feels more personal and impactful, more shocking or unbelievable, funnier or sadder. As an example, say you tell a sad story about a little girl and after you finish, you reveal the little girl in the story was actually you. The story already landed with impact, pulling in your audience. Flip it, and you can increase that impact, making it land all the more intensely. Just remember, the flip is powerful, so use it sparingly. If you do it more than once in a single talk, it can lose its magic – fool me once…!

Reverse Flip: There’s also the reverse flip. Think double agent if you will! This is often used for comedic effect. You start by telling a story as if it happened to you, then admit it didn’t –you’ve flipped, well almost! The key here, and what makes this different, is that you start by flipping the subject out, but not replacing them. This can leave your audience a bit adrift—no central character to latch onto. Suspense. Who DID it happen to? Did it even happen? If you now complete the flip with a reversal, “No, it really did happen to me”, then you can get a good laugh out of it. Equally, flip it to someone else, and rather than reverse it to you, send it to someone else, “Actually, that was my mother!”. Why not then reverse flip it back to you? If done well, you can get a good laugh out of this and still maintain the resonance.

Double flipping, switching back and forth between perspectives and central characters can be great for extra comedic mileage, but be careful not to overdo it unless it’s part of your style or structure of your talk.

In the end, it’s up to you, which perspective you choose to shape how your story lands. Play around with first and third person. Rehearse a flip and see how it feels. While the right perspective can turn a simple anecdote into something truly memorable, remember, these are only tools, not a substitute for a strong message or well-crafted delivery. Have fun with it, because if you are, the chances are your audience will too.